Show and Tell Secrets Reveal All

There are exposes in newspapers and exposes on television but parents beware the most dreaded expose of all; on the classroom floor for Show and Tell.

My husband was a primary school teacher for several years and as such privy to great secrets only now to be revealed. He was a naive student teacher in the roughest part of town when little Kylie, or was it Craig, first spilled the beans.

"Mr P, Mr P, my dad got a new car last night but he didn't like the colour so he spray painted it straight away."

And later that month from another excited child: "Guess what. Dad's got a garage full of TVs but he won't let us watch them!"

Often mum and dad had long since suffered a parting of the ways and kids like Melissa would enthusiastically report: "Uncle Dave came round the other night then Uncle Brian came around the next night then last night Uncle Brian came and he was in bed with mummy and then Uncle Dave came round too and then they had a big fight on the front grass and Uncle Brian didn't have any clothes on and mummy was yelling at Uncle Dave to go away. And mummy told me and Scott to go inside."

The Grade One kids would sit cross-legged earnestly nodding with understanding and hanging on every word. Familiar with the awkward scenario, they would offer advice on what to do when two uncles showed up at once.

It was a high crime area and by the time the kids reached Grade Six, indoctrinated by their parents, they had formed a most hostile view of the police service. The local cops decided to improve their image with the infants by paying a friendly visit.

So the divvy van was parked in the yard and all the kids got to inspect it up close. The young officers left beaming, confident they had made a positive impact on potential criminals. They promised to make regular visits to keep up the rapport.

But they were back sooner than anyone expected, somewhat red-faced and crestfallen, enquiring after the policeman's hat, clipboard and two-way radio handset which mysteriously went missing from the van. Show and Tell the next morning was a riot but no one was dobbing!

However it was later in Andrew's intrepid career, just when he thought he had seen and heard it all, that the ultimate Show and Tell event was staged. Young Kenny was proud of his old man who worked as an engineer at the Air Force Testing Base.

Kenny had found an interesting book of aeroplane diagrams in dad's briefcase and brought it along to show his classmates. The kids were keen to photocopy the drawings and colour them in but Mr P discovered that the document was marked 'classified'. A quick phone call had an extremely alarmed Dad speeding across town to seize the plans to the latest top secret hornet and missile guidance system.

And YOU thought YOUR secrets were SAFE!